OH YES,I’M THE GREAT PRETENDER

Pretending that you’re the most soft spoken
lady and God abiding.Some people potrays themselves as very pious and a good
wife and mother to the eyes of others but they are the opposite of what you see
out there.They normally neglect their duty as a wife and mother to chase their
dream and be popular among their circle of friends and gossipers.Sometimes
these people have double personalities.They are jovial and humble when they are
with friends but the opposite when at home.We must always be sincere in
whatever we do.Our family comes first always.Don’t do to others what you don’t
like them to do to u.What goes around comes around.Always be the first to
apologize if there’s some misunderstanding between family members and close
friends.Life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting.If u
want respect,you have to earn it.Respect the people around you and never hurt
their feelings.Sometimes people can read your body language and you don’t have
to say a single word.Close friends,everyone can feel if you’re sincere or just
acting.Friends in need are friends indeed.Be honest and sincere in your work
and obligations cos you will find the satisfaction at the end of the day.Always
think of your love ones in whatever you do.You will find that you can be free and
happy if you are a sincere person.Do what you do best and do it well.Honesty is
the best policy they say.Family and close friends will always come to you for
good advise and it’s such a good feeling being wanted.Have a small gathering
once in a while and invite close relatives and close friends for dinner etc.Have
fun and listen to their problems .Be a good listener among friends.By listening
to their problems can make them relief of their anxiety inside.Give all your
love and you will find happiness.Love is all you need…..

GOTTA GET A MESSAGE TO U

The preacher talk to me,smile and he said come on walk with me.Come and walk one
more mile.Now for once in my life I’m alone.It’s scary when you’re alone down
there,so they say.Through the years we lived,normally we would be encountering
various hurdles along the way.There are times when we have to face the vote of
no confidence from your family cos we are little less than the other siblings
in our family,cos we don’t have a better job and a big car as the one they
proudly presented our parents during the ‘balik kampung’ seasons.Everyone says
that money is not everything.From my past observations throughout my life,that
saying is just a saying simply to make you feel good.Every time they see a
person driving a posh car or for that matter any latest model of great
value,that person is treated like a ‘king’ or should I say with great respect.I’m
saying so is because I’ve gone through this situation during my life.Did they
know that this person actually borrowed a ‘big’ car every time for the ‘balik
kampung’ season???This is just one example of how ignorant some parents are
those days!For that matter this present day is just the same.Did you ever read
in the daily news about how a ‘rich’ gentleman successfully got the hand of a
daughter from a well known local businessman just simply because the’rich’ guy
came in a Mercedes-Benz to propose to the family.Absurd but it’s true!Money is
about everything to some people.Don’t say I’m wrong in this.Just ask your
heart.Pretend that nobody in their right mind would do such thing.You’re a
devil in disguise.Hypocrites are everywhere these days.There is this family
with a few girls that talk like they are so damn good and pious.They speak
quite good English cos they are now ladies.They speak good English but education
wise they are failures.Some people speak English because they know people
admired these kind of hypocrites who speaks English.Don’t be fooled because
they are just pretending all the time.Don’t get me wrong.I have several true
friends who speaks very good English and have a successful life.I’m just
pointing out how people can easily be fooled.You are my sunshine my only
sunshine.You make happy when skies are grey.You never know dear how much I love
you.Please bring back my sunshine to me…..

A HARD DAYS NIGHT

I missed the days while in primary 1.I got up early in the morning and had a cold bath
and it was freezing.I suppose the climate was much cooler then.The morning
breeze was welcoming.My grandma would prepare for me with a cup of hot milo plus
two slices of bread with ‘planta’ and sugar on top or some fried banana for
breakfast.Kampung style fried rice is my favorite for my breakfast.No coffee.Coffee
is for elder folks I was told.I used to bring some guava fruits for
schoolmates.We have few good guava trees around the house.I go to school by ‘beca’
(trishaw) owned by some close friend to my grandma.We don’t have electricity at
that time,so there’s no night-life at the kampung.A few years later there was
electricity and we listened to the radio for short stories at night before I go
to bed.It was dark n quiet at night except for the sound of the wind blowing
the trees occasionally creating the sound of music in the lonely night.I go to
bed very early.I suppose tired after playing football etc with friends at the
field in front of our house in the evening.I got up early in the morning so I also
have to rest early.For that I can get enough energy for the day ahead.I love to
go to school because i got a few very good friends.Recess time was fun cos we
got to play for a while at the school field with the classmates.No worries.We
play our favorite games till the school bell rang.I don’t buy food from the
school canteen as my grandma always prepare something for me from home.Eating
with friends was a lot of fun at the canteen.We always share our food among
us.My school is about 3km away from the house.I got home quite early every
schooling day and after I had my lunch,I have to go to another class just next
to my house to study Arabic.About 5 o’clock in the evening after finishing my
chores at the farm,my grandma will reward me by allowing me to play football
and other games at the field.All my friends around the kampung would be there
to see the match almost daily.Friends forever,but true friend is hard to find
these days.Now I long for yesterday.Yesterday,’life’ was such an easy game to
play.If song can be the food of luv,play on…..

 

TO LOVE SOMEBODY

There’s a light, a certain kind of light that never shine on me.These lyrics are the picture
of my life throughout my early days back at my grandma’s ‘kampung’.One peaceful
day at my ‘kampung’ was disrupted by a fire at my neighbour’s house on one eery
and cold night.Everyone panicked to see the fire rising as high as the tallest
coconut tree around our house.Our neighbor was sleeping when the fire
started.They were left with nothing except for the clothes they were wearing on
that frightening night.The fire started from the firewood that was not totally
put off after the cooking for the ‘kenduri’ (thanksgiving feast) earlier in the
evening.The sparks from the firewood had turned into an angry giant of flames
soaring up and destroying the ‘innocent’ little wooden house.We were ordered by
the fire brigade to leave our house cos of the very close distance from the
scene.Smoke was rushing out from the fire and the heat was also rising around
our house.The banana plants around the house was destroyed by the angry flame in
just seconds.My grandma was shocked and she was depressed cos the raging fire
had damaged her crops at the garden as well.She was however thankful that we
are safe and our wooden house was safe too.Home is where love is.The following
day after the fire tragedy,I was very tired due to lack of sleep and exhausted
because we have to unpack all the clothes plus some personal belongings that we
manage to hurriedly carry out from our house as requested by the local
authorities in charge that night.I was frustrated to see my best friend’s house
burnt down to ashes and I could see my friend’s face is just so sulky sad and
pale.He had lost everything except for his family.Everyone from around the ‘kampung’
always advised the family to be strong and patience to face the days ahead.It’s
kind of irritating listening to them cos it’s easier to give words of
encouragement when you’re not actually in their shoes and only God knows how
they felt deep inside.What the family needs right now is a new roof above their
head.Someone must make the first move and effort to build a new house for
them.Whatever it is,life must go on and I believe there is a light at the end
of every tunnel…..

LUV STORY…PUPPY LUV

I once had a girl or should I say she once had me.Beautiful lyrics: You give me a feeling
in my heart,like an arrow going through it.Superb lyrics for those in luv and
those broken hearted.I used to listen to such beautiful songs during my teenage
days.We listen to songs on the radio cos TV is for the older group.Songs
written with beautifully blended lyrics and music was a hit with teenagers the
world over.During our early years as a teenager,normally we have what they called
‘puppy luv’we mix a lot with friends,boys and girls,but we are just good
friends.We go to movies,bowling etc but always in a group.The more the
merrier.Happy go lucky.We’re too young to be serious about luv.Friends
forever.It was beautiful while it last.Appointment ‘date’ is made through the
telephone and we would be fighting to use our house phone.Brothers and
sisters.No hand phones yet.During our school break,I never miss going back to
see my grandma.There’s no place like home they say.While back home I would
prepare the firewood for grandma to use during my absence.Clearing the garden
and farm as if there is no tomorrow.Doing things that you enjoyed never make
you feel tired or exhausted.It’s a feeling you can’t explain.A sense of
satisfaction.Yesterday all my troubles seems so far away.But as usual time
seems to pass by so fast when you’re with someone you luv.I started my chores
as early as possible so as to spend time listening to grandma’s story.One thing
I know she enjoys telling stories about her past.The past to her is like
yesterday.I enjoy seeing the sunset in the evening and the chicken and ducks
seems to know that it’s time for bed and move back into their area to cuddle up
against one another to prevent the cold nights ahead.It’s a sight you would not
want to miss.At the end of a long day you can sigh with satisfaction for a job
well done.Tomorrow is another day…..

GREEN,GREEN GRASS OF HOME

Kampung life is off the past cos almost all of the place I used to call ‘kampung’ is
not there anymore.As we grew up the elders in the kampung is slowly leaving us
and most of the children my age leave for the big town ,the bright city to
study and work for a living there.The place we used to play is almost
deserted.No more kids playing kites etc.If our land is off potential for
development,the ‘greedy’ developer is ready to snatch it away from you with
their sweet talks.What win win situation,when they buy the land at the lowest
price and make unbelievable profit.They win we loose!It’s always about money
and money.I believe that wherever you wanna work and when you’ve decided,you
must always work at the place that you like and love and feel comfortable
working.There must be love in the air around.Don’t just work for the money but
the satisfaction that comes with it.If you can work on your own from the house
and enjoy it,why not.Money is everything?You must be good at managing your
fund.You must also have good luck.Life goes on day after day.Always be good to
your family,friends and neighbors.What goes around comes around.Don’t be a
hypocrite.Spend money on good food for your family and you will be bless with
good profits from your businesses and other investments or promotions.The old
hometown looks the same.If not for the money lovers.You can never capture the
past again so keep the past in your heart forever.The beautiful things in life
happens only once.Don’t be too busy chasing your dreams and forgetting the love
you have around you.Don’t neglect the one that cherish and love you.I don’t
wanna live in this world alone.But don’t let the sun catch you crying.Spread
the message of love and you will always be loved.My grandma always say,let me
hold your hand…and when she touches me,I feel happy inside.It’s a beautiful
feeling inside,I can’t hide…..

WONDERFUL LIFE

Life is very short, so they say.I think life is a journey.One have to go through it
when in bad times and good times.At times I feel most of my ‘journey’ to me is
rather tiring.To be a favorite son,a favorite company with friends you have
to pretend,be a hypocrite.Do what they like to do and go to where they like to
go.Always agree with their views and never say never.During my time,I think you
seldom have the chance to give your ideas.Just listen to them talking and
bragging all day long.It’s considered rude not to listen to your elders.I
always listen and open my ears to criticism and valuable advice.I have a few
good friends at school.We used to go to the movies once in a while or just hang
around at my house to pass our time together.We used to go swimming together.It
is good to have true friends who listened to your problems and it can lighten
your burden after you throw out your problems.Listening is actually an art as
well.One must be a good listener in order to make friends.We love to go out for
breakfast and lunch together during the weekends.We try to avoid meeting the
‘badboys’ at school when we go out.Normally we save our pocket money for the
whole month just to go out together.These ‘badboys’ will extort you and use the
cash to celebrate with their ‘members’.Dirty money they call it.I think most of
us share our secrets and problems with our friends rather than our parents.Is
it true?It’s the same these days especially parents are much busier nowadays.No
time for love.Love me tender.Most parents are busy or making themselves
busy.Money,money.Cost of living is rising.That’s their excuse.It’s still 24
hours a day.Time management is very important.You say you will love me till the
end of time,somehow I will know.Wherever you are and whatever you do always
remember your roots.I love my grandma’s fried rice.I missed her and the good
things we shared together.Love me with all your heart or not at all.Don't love
me for just a minute.It’s a wonderful world out there if you are living with
the one you love most.I’ve grown accustomed to her face,always smiling in the
early dawn…p/s – I LOVE HER…..


“ END OF EPISODE 5 “

LOVE,FLOWERS & POTS

I was a kampong boy who was brought to the city to see the bright lights.I guess there
is a culture shock and school life with a new environment plus new friends was
making me feel out of place.Who cares,as long as I get to go to a secondary
school that’s what matters to my parents.During the weekends I missed helping
my grandma most.It hurts inside knowing that she is all alone going through the
daily routine.I suppose my cousin sister is too young to assist her but then again
I was told that life must go on.It is certainly easier said than done but
that’s life.I was frustrated to know that in our school there are a few friends
who are recruited to become ‘gangsters’ by the people outside our school.One
can tell these ‘badboys’ by the way they dressed up and their hairstyle.Drain
pipe pants and permed hairs.They even have their own signs for a different
‘gang’.Watch out their fingers for the gang they belong to.I was once,twice
approached by these ‘badboys’.The first time was while I was waiting for the
bus after school to go back home.As usual everyone knows our bus service is one
of the worst at that time.1964 – 1970.Never punctual.Is it punctual now?I don’t
take our local bus anymore.From town to my home which takes about 30 minutes
but then I have to wait for at times for 2 long hours.Very frustrating I would
say.I was forced to give all the money that I have in my pocket to these
bullies.I dare not engage in a fight with them cos I see them hanging around
town daily.Smoking and I guess they are not schooling or working.Easy money,why
bother working.At times when they passed by you,one can smell the smoke that
they bring, the smell of ‘ganja’ marijuana from their cigarettes.You are looking
for trouble if you report them to the authorities.I will deal with them later
in my own way…..


“ END OF EPISODE 4 “

LOVE,LOVE ME DO

Who says
being brought up by grandma and grandpa will make you a spoilt brat?Who
says,who says so?I was brought up by my grandma.One thing I know you will get
all the care and attention you most needed at the early age 1 – 12 years
old.Grandma is not working – retired and grandma had gone through the
experiences of bringing up your mum and uncle.What a child needed most is our
attention and care.Grandma do not have to hurry to the office every morning and
rush back home in the evening exhausted.There is no tension of watching the
indon maid running the house like a queen.Some of them are hypocrites.They are
only nice to the children when mom and dad are back from work.You always have
to please them and make them happy at the expense of your children.Never scold
them but you can scold the children instead.You tend to throw your frustration
to the children because of the tension rising.Scold the children and beat them
but never ever hurt the maid’s feeling.You may be a boss at the office but at
home your maid is the boss.My grandma is multi-talented and very
hardworking.She works from dawn and is very systematic in running the
house,garden and farm.It makes her job of running chores looks simple.Its been
a hard days work and you’ve been working like a dog and its nice to come home
to see that everything is alright….

“ END OF EPISODE 3 “

CAN’T BUY ME LOVE

What is the
actual definition of the ‘black sheep’ of the family?I actually considered it
as a blessing in disguise living in a small town and brought up by an iron lady
who is determine to shower me with her past experience and the four letter word
‘LOVE’.One needs a ‘guru’ in order to be inspired to succeed in life and to be
strong taking the challenges ahead.We called it a role model these days.Here
in the kampong I was taught how to make full use of the things around.Fire woods
and brooms from the coconut tree.We reared chicken and ducks to supplement our
‘income’ and once a month I got to eat fresh fried chicken from our farm.I
enjoyed listening to the sound of the chickens and ducks in the early morning
waiting for their first meal.Its enjoyable to feed them cos they always asking
for more and never complained.We have coconut and banana trees around the house
plus a variety of ‘ulam’ grown especially by my grandma.We don’t buy coconut
for our cooking and the best coconut is made into coconut oil after processing
it for a while.We often eat fresh bananas from the garden and also freshly
fried ‘pisang goreng’,it only taste good while it is still hot.My grandma
enjoys sipping it with freshly brewed hot coffee right from her kitchen.I enjoy
collecting eggs from the chicken and ducks every morning.I suppose that’s very
rewarding after the work well done on the farm.The eggs collected contributes
to our income upon selling it to the neighbors.I often assist my grandma with
the chores at the farm/garden around the house and get to play football etc. as
a reward.I missed doing the things that we do every day after the
ordeal.Certainly these are the things that money can’t buy.Can’t buy me
love.These experiences ,the friendship and thrills you can never buy.Life is
full of challenges and the things that I’ve learned you can never buy it.Life is very short.One
must spend the precious time with the loved ones….

“ END OF EPISODE 2 “

MY F1RST LOVE

I have a dream of writing about my life since I retired cos by then I could leave my hectic life I’ve had since ’69.I believe I can express myself in more than words through writing.It’s important cos since my childhood I’ve never had a motherly love,let alone a family love I’ve always dream of.I was ‘given away’ by my parents to my late grandmother who took care of me since ‘birth’ till I was ‘kidnapped’ by my parents after completing my standard 6.I was 12 years old then.Although I know my grandmother was reluctant to let me go,I suppose she had no choice.I was devastated and the thought of committing suicide crossed my mind.But then again as usual my parents will never take no for an answer.My grandma and me had no choice,being a ‘single mother’ and bringing me up and a cousin sister was hard for her and the fact that we were living in a ‘kampung’ on my ayah’s (dad) land leaves her with no choice.My ayah sends my grandma RM40 – 50 occasionally for my expenditures.But she never complained about the amount cos she is happy to have a company,’me’ to give her all the love that grandma needed to keep her going.I suppose it’s seeing the seed that you sowed spring up to be a ‘young man’ that kept her glowing.Most of the time I believed my parents don’t really love me cos I was not brought up by them,not after 12 years living in a kampong with my grandma.The way they treated me and my sisters are not the same.They can say otherwise but then again you can’t lie to your ‘heart’.I love my grandma with all my heart and it hurts to be apart from her.You can say that I should not be emotional and be thankful and happy with my parents.My early years before 12 that is,was what a child would love to have in their years of childhood – playing football,kites,marbles,

fighting fish etc,you name it.Is taking me away from ‘my love’ will make me a better man?Are they taking me away to make me a ‘somebody’ someday?Or are they taking me away cos they are in control of our lives together (my grandma and me)?After all it’s their land we’re living on,it’s their RM40 – 50 ‘money order’,that is in a way keeping us alive?I guess some people always never give anything or something sincerely from their heart.I am what I am today mostly because the way my grandma taught me during my tender years.Always be thankful for the life that we have now.Nobody can change your life ever except for yourself and ‘The Almighty’ who is above everyone else.He is the greatest of them all……

“END OF EPISODE ONE”