MY F1RST LOVE

I have a dream of writing about my life since I retired cos by then I could leave my hectic life I’ve had since ’69.I believe I can express myself in more than words through writing.It’s important cos since my childhood I’ve never had a motherly love,let alone a family love I’ve always dream of.I was ‘given away’ by my parents to my late grandmother who took care of me since ‘birth’ till I was ‘kidnapped’ by my parents after completing my standard 6.I was 12 years old then.Although I know my grandmother was reluctant to let me go,I suppose she had no choice.I was devastated and the thought of committing suicide crossed my mind.But then again as usual my parents will never take no for an answer.My grandma and me had no choice,being a ‘single mother’ and bringing me up and a cousin sister was hard for her and the fact that we were living in a ‘kampung’ on my ayah’s (dad) land leaves her with no choice.My ayah sends my grandma RM40 – 50 occasionally for my expenditures.But she never complained about the amount cos she is happy to have a company,’me’ to give her all the love that grandma needed to keep her going.I suppose it’s seeing the seed that you sowed spring up to be a ‘young man’ that kept her glowing.Most of the time I believed my parents don’t really love me cos I was not brought up by them,not after 12 years living in a kampong with my grandma.The way they treated me and my sisters are not the same.They can say otherwise but then again you can’t lie to your ‘heart’.I love my grandma with all my heart and it hurts to be apart from her.You can say that I should not be emotional and be thankful and happy with my parents.My early years before 12 that is,was what a child would love to have in their years of childhood – playing football,kites,marbles,

fighting fish etc,you name it.Is taking me away from ‘my love’ will make me a better man?Are they taking me away to make me a ‘somebody’ someday?Or are they taking me away cos they are in control of our lives together (my grandma and me)?After all it’s their land we’re living on,it’s their RM40 – 50 ‘money order’,that is in a way keeping us alive?I guess some people always never give anything or something sincerely from their heart.I am what I am today mostly because the way my grandma taught me during my tender years.Always be thankful for the life that we have now.Nobody can change your life ever except for yourself and ‘The Almighty’ who is above everyone else.He is the greatest of them all……

“END OF EPISODE ONE”